


Once More, With Vodka

by chaineddove



Category: Bleach
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-21
Updated: 2008-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-01 00:57:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaineddove/pseuds/chaineddove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Gotei 13 throw a holiday party, and several people decide to spice it up without consulting each other.  Many terrifying things ensue, such as smiling Byakuya, Ikkaku in reindeer antlers, and Nanao dancing on a table.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once More, With Vodka

**Author's Note:**

  * For [stillskies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stillskies/gifts).



> The prompts were: “holiday party” and “Nanao-chan is going to kill us.” I desperately wanted to include a guest appearance by Yoruichi (under the mistletoe with Soi Fong, naturally), but it never quite panned out, sadly. I had to condense or write an epic. Still, I hope you enjoy this!

Kyouraku reckons that Nanao-chan is probably going to murder them all come morning, and he really has nowhere to cast the blame. She would probably have forgiven him for spiking the punch – hell, she had probably _counted_ on it – but he’s pretty sure she isn’t going to forgive Madarame and Iba for doing the same thing. He saw the two of them sneaking away and snickering a few moments ago, and he assumes they had come up with the same brilliant idea to liven up the gathering.

Ukitake meanders over, not too steady on his feet, his eyes a bit glassy. “I believe,” he announces, with the careful enunciation of someone very drunk who wishes to be considered sober, “that Vice Captain Matsumoto has spiked the punch.”

This, understandably, strikes Kyouraku as unbelievably hilarious. He has to grab on to the table to keep his balance as he laughs; the punchbowl and glasses on it wobble dangerously. “Her _too?_ ” he asks.

“Oh, you didn’t,” Ukitake says. He’s trying to look stern, but comes off confused instead.

“That makes three,” Kyouraku states. “Three people have spiked the punch and…” he takes a sip of it and sighs contentedly, “it’s quality.”

“I knew Matsumoto would do it,” Vice Captain Kira comments from the floor; he is stretched out helplessly and has long since given up on trying to stand. “It’s why I didn’t. And I told Hisagi not to.”

“See,” Kyouraku says sagely. “Three people spiked the punch. Three people _didn’t_ spike the punch.” He looks at Ukitake meaningfully. “It all balances out in the end.”

“I don’t think…” Ukitake says slowly. “I’m fairly sure it doesn’t work like that.”

“It’s all in how you look at it,” Kyouraku says instructively. “I prefer to think we have done a good and noble thing here. Look at Byakuya-san.”

Ukitake looks, then stares wordlessly as the aforementioned captain comes wandering by, a beatific little smile on his face.

“I never imagined he knew how to make that face,” Kyouraku says. “I’m sure it’s good for him.”

“It’s more like terrifying,” Kira disagrees from the floor.

“Are you very sure there isn’t anything _else_ in the punch?” Ukitake wants to know. “Because I really think…”

He is interrupted by a loud crash. The table shakes violently. Glasses go flying to the floor and shatter with a bright tinkle of crystal. “Giddyap!” Vice Captain Kusajishi shouts from where she is perched on Madarame’s shoulders. Madarame is now wearing a headband with reindeer antlers and looking none to pleased with his life. “Come on! Reindeer are meant to fly!” Madarame clambers up onto the table; one of his feet lands in the punchbowl and he curses loudly. Kusajishi explodes in giggles. “Fly!” she shouts. “Fly!”

Madarame goes barreling off the table and Kusajishi squeals gleefully as she goes flying off his shoulders. She turns a neat somersault in the air and lands on Kira’s chest. Kira “oofs” but she ignores him. “Oh,” she says instead. “Rudolph! You spilled the drinks!”

“I’m telling you again, brat, my name ain’t Rudolph!” Madarame growls.

“Dancer, then,” she says. “Or Prancer, or Vixen-”

Kyouraku chuckles. “I like Vixen,” he says.

“Vixen!” Kusajishi repeats gleefully. “Vixen!” Madarame shoots Kyouraku a murderous look. Kusajishi blithely continues, “How could you spill it, Vixen! Nemu-chan hasn’t had time to add our extra special touch yet!”

Everyone looks properly horrified – no one has forgotten the last time Kusajishi endeavored to drug everyone. Kyouraku takes it in stride by saying, “See, there isn’t anything extra in the punch. Yet.”

“Thank you, I think,” Kira says to Madarame.

“I’m all wet,” he grouses.

“That’s okay!” Kusajishi consoles him. “Now you can go and put on the Santa costume! I wanted Ken-chan to wear it but he wouldn’t, so I guess you’ll have to do!”

“No way in hell,” Madarame says, predictably enough.

There is something resembling a fight, which ends very quickly as Madarame is mostly drunk and Kusajishi seems to have skipped the punch entirely. She drags his semi-conscious form away.

Matsumoto walks over, looking more sober than the lot of them put together – Kyouraku has a theory that she keeps the excess alcohol in her very nice breasts, as nothing else explains the fact that she can outdrink him despite his having had many more years to practice – and shakes her head at the mess surrounding the punchbowl. “All our hard work, wasted,” she says. “Ah well. What are you doing on the floor, Kira? You have to come _dance_.”

“I’ve fallen and-”

“I’ll help you up,” she chirps. She hauls him up, slings his arm over her shoulder, and begins dragging him away.

“Great party!” Kyouraku compliments her.

She grins a wide, slightly sloppy grin. “Nanao-chan tried to be a wet blanket, but through hard work and perseverance, I fixed her. She’ll thank me later; she’s actually having fun.”

Considering Nanao seems to be attempting some approximation of a table dance across the room, Kyouraku somehow doubts gratitude will be on her agenda anytime soon, certainly not after she sobers up. Still… “Enjoy it while it lasts,” he says, and ambles over to get a better view.


End file.
